Archive for February, 2012
Straßenumfrage zum Thema Juden in Deutschland
Meine Favoriten:
1. “Isch bin Moslem, isch hass die”
2. “Isch komm aus Berlin, Alter, isch kenn sowas nisch”
CATEGORIES: German Social Culture Video WTF
Hod ve Hadar OR The Necessity of a Jewish State INTRODUCTION
There is an old joke about what makes a good diplomat – „A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman´s birthday but never her age“.
The current Israeli foreign minister, Avigdor Lieberman, seems to prefer the other way around, as he travels the globe forgetting all birthdays but remembering all ages.
I began to understand why Israel is so bad at presenting its own positions not just through the indifference of the majority of Israelis, who think that it is more or less okay to send such a dumbass around the world in their name, but when I came to Israel on a professional basis as a journalist visiting Ramallah and Sderot. While in Ramallah we received a decent Pallywood show with Pita, Humus and a good pipe, the Israeli army dude who presented us Sderot was the typical guy who would start a sentence with „Listen…eehhhh…zis iz where one rocket came down, and ehhh…you have to ehh…..understand….ehhh“. I mean I do understand that Israelis think it´s cool to run around with nice sun glasses, a good portion of arrogance and start sentences with „Listen eh….“ but that´s just not a good way to win hearts outside the own autistic circles.
The result of this trip was that I, who started out my life as a rather Zionist diaspora Jew, who would ask friends from Israel to bring him a bit of sand from the desert of Judah would turn into someone who orders books like „The invention of the Jewish people“ by Shlomo Sand on Amazon. READ MORE
CATEGORIES: English Politics Short Story Social Culture
Sexual Ethics in Judaism – Interview with Mark Lazar
What would you think of talking about sex in Krakow Jewish Museum? As for Mark Lazar, it’s just a right topic in a right place. And sitting at his seminar ‘Sexual Ethics in Judaism’ just next to an exhibition on abandoned synagogues and Jewish cemeteries of Polish Galicia, ‘provocation’ would be the last thing you think about. Relevance, humor, preciseness, openness.
Mark might look as a rabbi or a hippie, though in fact he is not. His stories may sound like teenager jokes and profound religious treaties at the same time. Speaking on sexual ethics, he goes from biblical examples to modern laws and rules, supporting it with various quotes both from ancient Jewish manuscripts and today’s rabbis and Jewish thinkers.
- Mark, thank you so much once more for agreeing to give this short interview. What surprised me the most during my research was your involvement in numerous different projects and having lectures on numerous topics. Tell me more about it: how did you start, how do you manage it and what are the things among those which are the most important for you personally?
- I guess one reason why I’ve been involved in different projects during the past years is getting older, as I get more time to do it (smiles). Also I was never good in formal education, so when I started college in the early 70s to study theater, for me it was much more important actually to do theater. Most of what I have done was self-taught. I love teaching, I love engaging ideas. I always try to learn more. I like writing, I like having a lot of different jobs. What is very important for me is working with people. I want to help people look at themselves, to grow – whatever age they are, to examine themselves, to try to be the best person they can be. I find it in a Jewish context, but I think it’s universal as well.
- I see you have been involved in different things from young age. Was it always connected with Judaism?
CATEGORIES: English Religion Social Culture
MK Ahmad Tibi gives Israeli Jews a ‘lesson’ in Hebrew
MK Ahmad Tibi is probably the most well known Arab MK in Israel these days. Unfortunately, much of that has to do with the occasional media stunt he pulls. But hey, if Bibi can use the media – why not Tibi?
I found it quite amusing that Tibi was a guest on the ancient radio segment on the Voice of Israel called “A Moment in Hebrew,” a short little program that deals every day with everything and anything that has to do with, you got it: Hebrew.
I can’t say I agree with just about everything Tibi says here, and my translation might be off in a few places (apologies), but in some instances he makes a pretty good point.
As originally posted on: +972
CATEGORIES: English Politics Social Culture Video
On the couch with Bibi Netanyahu
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu at his weekly therapy session.
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu: Doc, you don’t know how much I needed this session today. I’m a wreck.
Psychologist: I’m sorry to hear that. What’s going on?
PM: It’s happening again. I feel like I’m fighting with everyone. I feel like I can’t trust anyone. I’m angry all the time. I’m scared.
Psychologist: We’ve spoken about your trust issue here before, several times.
PM: Yes. I know. It’s come up again, I’m left with nobody to trust, no one to confide in.
Psychologist: Tell me what happened.
PM: They took away Nathan. Can you believe it? Let me tell you, that was a total shock. I saw it on TV. On TV! My Nathan, on TV! I was in shock. It’s not good for a Prime Minister to be in shock. And Nathan! My right-hand man and my left-hand man. He’s the only one who knew what the right hand and left hand were doing. My main man. The only one I really could trust from that whole gang. Hendel! Couldn’t trust him. He was too good-looking. He was too serious looking. Too seriously good-looking. He stabbed me in the back. He had to go. I showed him the door the same way I heard about Nathan’s story: on TV. Ha! Showed him. Hendele comes to me, says he’s sorry about how it all came down. I says to the guy: ‘it’s all wrong what you did. I have absolutely no faith in you anymore. None.’ So he says: ‘Ok, well, in that case, I’ll resign immediately.’ And I says to the guy: ‘Ok, but let’s announce it in a day or two, once I find a replacement.’ And then you know what I did doc? I leaked it straight to the TV! Shame, poor Hendele, never knew what hit him. What goes around comes around, that’s what dad always says. And Zvika, I showed him the door too, on live TV. I let him have it. ‘Lock the door, just lock it, why can’t you just do what I tell you to do?’ Poor Zvika, he still hasn’t gotten the message. Wait until he tries to get a spot in the Likud, that will be something heheh.
Psychologist: You’re very angry. I heard they said that they had your best interests at heart. Are you maybe being too harsh?
PM: Rubbish. Of course I’m angry. I’m not being harsh enough. I could be much, much harsher, believe me. But we are in a vibrant democracy after all. The only one in the Middle East. These guys, these jokers, Hendel, Hauser and Locker betrayed my trust. They went behind my back doctor. They deserve to get booted out. I can’t work with people like that.
Psychologist: Let’s get back to Eshel. Why are you so upset about him? I mean, he did after all harass a member of your staff. He did take inappropriate photos of her. He hacked into her mail. This man was obviously creating an unhealthy atmosphere in your office, and, in a sense, now that he’s gone, the unhealthy atmosphere is also gone. You should be happy about that. Perhaps not at the way it was done, but the final result is the same. But you’re really upset about losing him, aren’t you. disproportionately upset, aren’t you? Let’s explore that.
PM: They took away my Eshel. My Eshel, he was mine. My loyal, loyal Eshel. Loyalty like that comes around once, maybe twice in a prime ministerial term. I trusted him like I trust you. I told him everything. He’s done so much for me, for my office, for this country, for the Likud. It’s a tragedy. I’m in grief. I’m grieving doctor. So is Sarale.
CATEGORIES: English Politics Short Story Social Culture WTF
Der Frühling – Die Jewdyssee unter den Jahreszeiten
„Wie Samen, die unter der Schneedecke träumen, träumen eure Herzen vom Frühling. Vertraut diesen Träumen, denn in ihnen verbirgt sich das Tor zur Unendlichkeit” – Khalil Gibran
In der meteorologischen Wissenschaft ist der 1.März als offizieller Frühlingsbeginn festgelegt.
Der Frühling weckt in uns verschiedene, teils sogar widersprüchliche Assoziationen. Auf der einen Seite ist er das große Erwachen nach einem langen und kalten Winter, aber auf der anderen Seite klagen viele von uns gerade in dieser vermeintlich schönsten Jahreszeit über die so genannte Frühjahrsmüdigkeit.
Wenn ganz langsam aus dem kalten Ei des Winters das bunte Küken mit Namen Frühling schlüpft, dann verändert sich die Lichtintensität. Jeder kennt das unbefriedigende Gefühl an einem Wintertag, wenn es selbst zur Tagesmitte einfach nicht richtig hell wird. Wenn der Frühling kommt, dann wird die Lichtintensität immer stärker, was bei uns Menschen zu Hormonauschüttungen führt.
CATEGORIES: German Social Culture WTF
Ever been on a Spiritual JEWDYSSEE?
Soon a NEW series will start on JEWDYSSEE about The Core Jewish Beliefs in the 21st Century. As a teaser here is an older text that I wrote two years ago on the same topic…
In Europe it has become a big thing to define something like a Judaism for the 21st century. Finally, after Europe had been for decades nothing but a big Jewish graveyard between privatized Judaism (USA) and nationalized Judaism (Israel). Where will Europe and its fastest growing community in Germany go? The American approach is a success story, but also a story of spiritual assimilation. Religion serves pragmatism and gives you a Jewish-American identity just like an Irish- or Italian-American one. The Israeli way also lacks a certain substance. An Israeli has a Jewish identity by living in Israel. It doesn´t necessarily pose a further question. An Israeli friend of mine once told me as an answer to my question regarding his Jewishness: “Man, I served f…. three years in the army, this has to be enough for everything, especially for all this Jewish stuff”. So where does Europe stand? Are we becoming americanized Jews, similar to the parents of Gaylord Focker (Ben Stiller) or are we the substitute players for the Israeli army, whenever manpower is needed? This question has as many answers as there are apples on a healthy apple tree. The American would say “Who cares, just do your thing”. The Israeli would say “It is such a shame for a Jew to sit there in Europe instead of being free in Israel, fulfilling a 2000 year dream…blablabla”. And inside Europe, or more in particular, inside Germany. Well, here you have the big chaos. There is a traditional German-Jewish community that returned after WWII, but actually most of them were not the German Jews from before the war, but Polish Jews who were displaced persons and had to listen for decades from all sides of the Jewish world that they were traitors, how could they live as Jews in Germany? And since 1990 there is this huge Russian community, of whom many don´t care at all and others got involved through Chabad activities. German Judaism isn´t any longer what you think it is – Reform Judaism with an organ and a choir, showing the desperate wish for cultural assimilation to the Christian world of the 19th century. The three most influential groups are 1. the Limmud Jews – culturally and spiritually interested Jews that love workshops of all kinds by the amazing Limmud-movement led by brilliant people such as Clive Lawton. 2.the Taglit-Birthright Jews. The ones who “made Aliyah” but for some reasons never really left. 3. the Russian speakers.
CATEGORIES: German Religion Social Culture
The truth about our next war
The truth about our next war is that it may not happen at all. It’s shaping up to be big enough and ugly enough to make all sides lose their appetite for it. It may not happen, even though it looks and feels like it is going to happen.
The truth about our next war is that if it does break out, there will be another war after it. Neither side is going to really win, win in the old-school sense of the word. And in the absence of closure, there will be another round, and another round.
The truth about our next war is that we won’t win. All the bad guys need to do is stay alive, survive, hold out – and they will claim victory. There will be many around the world who agree with them. That’s our enemies’ logic, and their plan. We will hurt them very, very badly, but we won’t “win” in the classic sense of the term. We won’t win because there is nothing to win: there is no High Command bunker to storm, no king to capture, no castle to plant our flag on. None of our enemies will admit defeat and sign a declaration of unconditional surrender. They would rather die. And we will oblige them. The best we can hope for is to kill very senior terror leaders. That will give us some good victory shots and make us feel like we’re winning. But there will be others that take their place, and they won’t stop attacking us.
CATEGORIES: English Politics Short Story
The Passion of Dreist
Im Heiligen Land passieren ja immer dolle Geschichten. Vor so ein paar Jahren hätte ich da fast mal geheiratet und Aliyah gemacht, wenn meine Ex und ich uns nicht direkt vor der Klagemauer getrennt hätten. Und für ne Klagemauer „ge-ht“ da mal echt wenig „Kla“ wenn so was einem dort passiert. Und dann krieg ich auch echt von dieser israelischen Walküre eine mediteranes Geschrei ab, als ob ich irgendwie Adriano Celentano wäre und von seiner dicken Liebsten beim Fremdgehen im Heuhaufen erwischt worden wäre. Also ich rein in den Zug in Richtung Haifa, halb am flennen und werde von den Israelis angeguckt als ob, ach, ich sag euch, die haben bestimmt noch nie nen Mann flennen gesehen. Und dann kam ich mit so einer ganz Süßen ins Gespräch. Ja, bla, sie war mal in Deutschland und sie fände Deutsche Männer süß. Und genau da hätte ich schon aufhorchen müssen, weil das ist ja eigentlich auch schon nicht normal. Aber egal, sie lud mich dazu ein, am Wochenende mit ihr feiern zu gehen. Aber ich hatte ja gerade ne Beziehung hinter mir und war eigentlich auf dem Weg nach Safed um da bei irgendwelchen Chabadnicks mal ne Runde mitzubeten und klarzukommen. Auch schon wieder so ne dumme Idee. Auf jeden Fall komme ich da in so ne chassidische Community wo gerade Dutzende Typen in schwarz, mit Kaftan am beten waren und nur einer mit ner weissen Kipa und ner H&M Jacke – ich. Also ich erstmal so am beten, und ja, und Danke und überhaupt, Welt erschaffen und so, heiliges Land, und bla und Tempel und sowieso, als die mich nach meinem jüdischen Namen fragen. Keine Angst, ich hab einen, aber mir ist das echt immer zu schwul, ich hab einen Namen von meinen Eltern bekommen und genauso wie´s nur einen Gott gibt, benutze ich nur einen. Ich also so: Martin Schubert. Und die gucken sich an, als ob das hier die Steinigung bei Life of Brian wäre und jemand gleich fragt: Ist Weibsvolk unter uns? Sofort hab ich so nen Gandalf an der Backe, der mich erstmal fragt, was ich hier eigentlich mache. Freundlicherweise lud er ich für den nächsten Tag zu sich zum Essen ein. Wir trafen uns sogar schon direkt am nächsten morgen und er zeigte mir die Mikve (rituelles Bad) des berühmten Kabbalisten Isaac Luria. Erstmal sollte ich irgendnen Psalm sagen und dann mich da rein-dippen wie so ne Party-Karotte. Und das war echt mal was, eiskaltes Bergwasser, und dann diese ganze Umgebung im schönen Galiläa, ich fühlte einen Moment der Katharsis und der Reinigung von der ganzen Scheiße der letzten Woche.
CATEGORIES: German Reading Short Story Social Culture WTF
Hava, Revisited
Es gibt Hits, und es gibt Volkslieder, also Hits, die man singt, bis
es nicht mehr geht….und eigentlich auch dann singt man sie immer
weiter. Sie verfolgen uns, egal, wo wir hingehen. Wir hören sie vom
Straßenmusiker am Alexanderplatz oder aus den kleinen Boxen eines
koreanischen Restaurants in Prag.
Manche Songs werden so oft gecovert, dass man mit ihren Versionen
mehrere CDs füllen kann. Es gibt zum Beispiel dieses russische Lied,
das jeder kennt. Imn Original heißt es „Dorogoj Dlinnoju“, aber im
Rest der Welt ist es als „Those Were The Days“ bekannt.
Die Entstehungsgeschichte sowie viele anderen amüsanten Details wird man im Film „Russendisko“,
der Ende März in die deutschen Kinos kommt, hören können.
Das sind die Ergebnisse einer Recherche, die mein
Freund und Kollege Wladimir Kaminer und ich vor 6 Jahren durchgeführt
haben. Ich schaue mir die Trackliste der CD an, die wir damals
zusammengestellt haben. Darauf findet man „Those Were The Days“ mal
auf Marimba, mal auf hawaiischen Gitarren, mal auf peruanischen Panflöten
gespielt, eine Version von den Bavarian Beer Singers, aber auch eine
Reggae- und eine HipHop-Variante davon. Jedes Mal, wenn das Lied
erklingt, lächeln Russen stolz und sagen: „Das ist ein russisches
Lied, wusstest Du das?“
Warum erzähle ich es Euch? Weil es im Jüdischen Songbuch auch so ein
Lied gibt. Und natürlich meine ich damit Hava Nagila! Eigentlich war
ich mir in den letzten Monaten sicher, dass ich alle tollen Versionen
davon bereits gehört habe. Dass ich ALLE Versionen davon gehört habe
und mir keine weiteren anhören will. Und dann hat es ein DJ-Kollege
aus Tel Aviv doch geschafft, mich zu überraschen. Und so möchte ich
meine Freude mit Euch teilen – gute alte Hava Nagila, serviert mit
einer guten Portion spanischer Leidenschaft und Funky Bläsern! Bitte
schön!
