Sex And Kabbalah (Part II). Does Love Need Tools?
Being usually told by gentiles, jokes, legends and fairy-tales about what’s going on in Jewish bedroom on Friday night, nowadays are enthusiastically told by Jews themselves! Who haven’t heard at least once a life-time a well-known legend about Jews having sex through a sheet-hole?
Sexual life of Jews was always something hidden, surrounded by a mystical veil. And indeed, divorce is not that common in traditional Jewish families. Why? In the previous part of Sex & Kabbalah article we partly investigated the question and came to the conclusion that the main reason of sexual pleasure fading away is neglecting the spiritual part of relations. “When our connection to this unseen spiritual force of light is severed, our sexual desires are unquenchable, we are looking elsewhere for the sparks of light, recapturing pleasure: pornography, adultery, three-way sex, chemical stimulators so on.”
In this part, we are coming from theory to practice. Yehuda Berg devotes the hole chapter of his “The Kabbalah book of sex” to practical questions as sexual positions, orgasms, masturbation, ejaculation, types of sex and so on.
First and foremost according to Berg, there are two kinds of sex: 99 % and 1 % sex (or the spiritualized sex and an ego-centric one, focused on satisfying one’s animal instincts). Having 1 percent sex keeps you grounded in this physical world of pain and passionless sex. When 99 percent lead you to Seventh Heaven.
Now, the initial key to great sex according to Kabbalah lies in sharing (don’t mix with spreading), so it apparently eliminates the smallest possibility for having sex more than with one partner (during particular intercourse and in general). This is tool number I.
Book of Zohar – tool number II.
Nobody can explain why but the verses from Zohar (the main mystical Kabbalistic source) are considered to radiate power which can heel. It’s believed that by simply reading or scanning the lines ( text is written in Aramaic) you get a sort of help.
How it works? Within the book you can find all sorts of meditations which will help you to resist flirting, adulterous and negative sexual thoughts, cheating. Pornography, sex under influence and premarital sex should be also avoided.
Why we should? Because all this is no more than self-gratification, receiving, there is no intent to share or build a loving relationship which unavoidably lead to spiritual collapse.
Masturbation - anti-tool number III. According to Berg and his vision of Kaballah, masturbation is pure self-gratification, which “depletes our relationships of sexual energy. It drains us of the sexual power we need in the future. This is one reason why the excitement wanes in our relationships. If you apply resistance and refrain from self-pleasuring, with the sole intent to connect to light, sexual energy builds back up. Not only, it will actually multiply.”
Is there any difference between male and female masturbation? Well, male masturbation in bible’s considered to be the mortal sin. Why? Semen is life, a very powerful substance. It is the closest substance on earth to light because it has the power to create life. Almost magic, right? So wasting semen – we waste the creating material, we waste light and life!!
About female masturbation. Girls, you can breath out! As women’s masturbation is simply not being discussed in Torah. However it is still not consider to be sharing, it is pure ego – the desire to receive for self alone.
Foreplay – tool number IV
In Judaism, when it comes to sex, women are the first. There is even a LAW, according to which the husband ought to satisfy his wife, which means to give her as much sexual pleasure as she needs. If a man refuses to have sex with his wife when she requests it, that’s actually a ground for divorce. So is it his responsibility and not the other way round. Funny, no?
That’s why, according to Berg, Kabbalah states that “foreplay is a vital aspect of lovemaking: kissing for example is a powerful way to merge the souls. Breath is essentially an aspect of a person’s soul. When breath is commingled through passionate kissing the two souls unite. Lovemaking without kissing and some serious foreplay is considered to be masturbation. And it cannot be simple little kisses . The kissing must be hot passionate and wild. Lets just say the French got it right when it comes to kissing Kabbalah style.”
Why? The reason is clear: men and women naturally have different physical demands. Moreover as men tend to be more easily aroused, woman usually can’t be satisfied (first of all emotionally) with a direct penetration (while men generally do).
What is more, according to Berg the very light is born during that 99 percent sex. “When a woman reaches orgasm first, her desire, her state-of-receiving is at its absolute peak. If a man climaxes first before woman is fully aroused, she receives limited pleasure if any pleasure at all. Her limited pleasure in turn reduces the amount of light that is revealed in our world. If she gets nothing the world gets nothing.” A bit feministic approach? Here woman should applaud! (I have already started)
Ejaculation – tool number V.
(It is getting hotter!)
It should follow right after the woman’s orgasm. And the most important claim: semen can’t exist without a vessel, it can’t be exposed and wasted (otherwise it’s considered to be masturbation). That is why any other forms of ejaculating except as inside the woman are prohibited .
Contraception is a separate unite, condoms are obviously prohibited within the Jewish Law. However I would like to say that if you really have reasons to restrain from having children, woman can consult a doctor in order to choose oral contraceptives. Don’t forget to demand a hormonal blood test!!
Sexual positions - tool number VI.
As you probably already got, Kabbalistic sex is not about special devices, technique or other refinements. It is about feelings, passion and divine pleasure as following. So talking about positions, Berg doesn’t eleborate on all of them. He just explicates on two of them. Missionary position according to him is highly recommended especially during the moment of orgasm. According to Berg’s exegesis, it reflects down and upper worlds. The most non recommended one is “Doggy style” – as it reflects animal kingdom. “Our unique purpose in this world is to elevate to a higher level of existence. “
All the rest, as well as oral sex (of both genders) considered to be fine for arousal purposes or during foreplay. However the culminate moment should be performed in missionary position inside the woman.
Resisting sex during menstruation cycle – tool number VII.
According to Jewish tradition, during a woman’s monthly flow from the first sign of blood and for seven days from the time she is free of spotting (usually 12 days) it’s traditional to abstain from having sex. After the woman’s period is over she is considered to be a revived one, she goes to a ritual bath (mikve) and after it it’s not only allowed but prescribed to have sex. Sex after this time lapse feels like for the first time. Passions soar!
And if it happens on Friday night….this is the very time to await for cosmic energy coming and divine sex becoming reality. But only in case you included all the previous tools!
Yehuda Berg tells us that Kabbalah is about spiritual sex, about something that humans call “making love”. I would like to say only following: whatever technique is being used between two loving people, it’s kosher, while they do love each other and strive to share, to transfer all the warmth and energy they had to each other. However no tools can substitute the vanished feelings. Love is a deep spiritual work, and divine sex is a reward for your efforts!